Q and A

B from LaVergne, Tennesee asks...

Bullied at Church

Dear Junebug: I am almost 13 and being bullied.  What the bad part about it is that I’m being bullied at church. These two specific girls keep picking on me just because I listen to music they don’t (Justin Bieber, Greyson Chance). They keep telling me “you’re stupid you need to listen to real music or only losers listen to things like that”. It’s really hard because sometimes I don’t even want to go to church on Sundays or Wednesdays because I know they'll be there. My mom says I should just stay away from them. But it’s REALLY hard because one of the girls used to be my best friend. I don’t understand why God allows things like this to happen to good people? I’ve had major headaches because of this situation. I need help. Please write back soon.

Posted in Bullying on Wed, Feb 16th 2011

Don't Roll with the Punches

Dear B:

I have deferred this question to my 16 year old daughter, who has had to endure the insults and rude comments numerous times. Because of her personal experiences, she has good practical advice on how to handle bullies. I felt that she would be more in tune with this situation than I. God Bless you.

 Junebug

 

B:

I have had so much trouble with girls and the mean words they use to “joke” with. Luckily, I got through a lot of the bullying by doing a few things that I’m going to share with you.

First, you have to stick up for yourself! I know it’s hard, but they won’t quit until you do. Now you don’t have to say “I’m telling my mom on you guys” to stick up for yourself; you must show them that if they cut on you, it won’t fly with you. One thing I’ve learned from my experience with girls and dealing with them is that the one thing girls can’t cut you down about is God, especially if they claim they’re “Christians” too. Now, since you say it happens at church, next time they “joke” you, tell them it says in the Bible that harsh joking is a sin (Ephesians 5:4). They can’t make fun of you for using God as support, because they claim they’re Christians! If they do, then simply ask, “Why are you here at church then?” Now I’ve noticed the one comeback these girls have is, “Well it was just a joke. Can’t you take a joke?” Here’s what you say: “A joke is not a joke when it hurts someone’s feelings.”

The second thing you need to do AFTER you stick up for yourself is leave them alone. Don’t hang around with them, find someone else. If there’s no one else that’s nice, maybe this isn’t the church you need to be at. But don’t settle for bratty friends or friends that make you feel low. Listen girl, I had the same problem. I never stood up for myself. I always took the punches and came home crying. One day, I decided it was going to stop. So I went to school, one girl cut me down in a “joking” way, and I looked at her and said “That was a really immature thing to say. It’s time to grow up.” From that day on, I heard nothing from that girl. Not another peep. I’m actually friends with her now, and the cutting down isn’t an issue anymore because I stood up for myself. Now, I’m not saying everyone’s going to be like that. Some girls will maybe not say a word back but still be cruel behind your back. These girls you need to walk away from. Think about it this way, a lion isn’t going to pick a fight with a strong lion but rather a weak one because he knows the weak lion won’t fight back. They won’t be mean to you if they know you’re strong!

Honey, I know it’s going to be okay. Don’t stress over it. Take my advice and I promise it’ll make a difference! Take it from one who’s been in your shoes.

Junebug’s daughter